Savor the days

I was driving through the town I grew up in today and looking at the buildings and houses.  So many things have changed, many things have not.  Everything seems smaller and older, but it can close my eyes and remember running around on my bike and my feet in that little town.  

For so long I longed to grow up and get my life started and do the things I wanted to do, I spent far too much time being busy and getting on with it.  Then Lyme disease hit and I lost 10 years of my life, the day to day existence, enjoying nothing, feeling nothing but exhaustion and pain and depression.  Now that I am finally getting better and older and not really doing any of the things I had planned back then, my perspective is different and I am coming to terms with losing so many of my dreams.

I can't get back the last 10 years of my life but I can enjoy every bit possible now and I can wish for the days to be long and drag out just so I can experience them and remember all the little things that I missed for so long.  I remember being young and athletic and strong, and I am finally thinking maybe I can have a little of that back, but more than that I want the joy back.  I want to enjoy things like I did when I was young.  The summer days, the cooler nights, the falls and springs,  the winters in the snow.  My sisters, my parents, my extended family, exploring and just being young.

We miss so much being too busy, and in my case I missed even more being sick and just trying to make it through each day.  I do have to admit I will never say I wish I had worked more or spent less time with my family or left town and never looked back.  I am treasuring the memories I have of every place, and trying hard to enjoy life again.  I have started leaving my phone in another room, and just talking with the kids or laying on the floor playing with the dogs, going to see sappy movies with the only friend who has been constant in my life.  Getting over Lyme disease is a bit like getting  new lease on life and really being able to see what was important. I guess part of that is getting old too, but all in all I am grateful for the change to know what is important and spend as much time as I can on that.

 I can't wait to kick the rest of this disease in the dirt and be able to live to the fullest again, like when I was young.