So far so good

Well it wasn't the best weekend on record, but it was nice to have the kids gone. There is still a big part of me that feels I am wasting time when I rest. So part of me is going insane at not Being able to do anything. Of course there is that little part of me that actually enjoys doing nothing LOL. But lately it seems to be a very small part and I am mostly insane from resting!

Anyhow feeling better again yesterday and today, I have been able to stick to my Makers Diet for a week solid and I lost about 5 lbs which is always a bonus! I have prayed so much about my weight and my health - it seems God has taken pity on me and is helping me because so far sticking to the diet hasn't really been too bad at all.

The past good day not withstanding, this extended illness is really getting to me. Some people say that illness brings them closer to God, but for me the opposite seems to be true. It seems to really separate me from God as I struggle to understand why I am going through it. It makes me feel like so much less. I am a worse Mom, because I can't do anything and when I get my tired headache I get cranky. It makes me a worse wife because I can't do much around the house and all I want to do at night is sleep. It makes me a worse servant, relative and friend because I have so little energy. I am very predisposed to depression right now and every little trouble seems amplified.

My head knows that this will pass and that is it just another storm, but my heart doesn't quite get it. Sometimes I feel like a lost abandoned child just treading water in the midst of this big storm all around me wondering when my father will come and lift me out of it. I know He is there, and I have faith that all of this is for a reason. But I can't help crying out for him to help me get out of it. I only know that he never gives me more than I can handle, with his help of course. So again today I will go down on my knees and pray for his will and his peace in my life. Psalm 6 seems to be of some comfort to me because I KNOW my LORD hears me.

Psalm 6
1) O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. 2) Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony 3) My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? 4)Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. 5) No one remembers you when he is dead. Who praises you from the grave? 6) I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. 7) My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. 8) Away from me all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. 9) the LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. 10) All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; They will turn back in sudden disgrace.

He has heard me and He will answer me in his time. So meanwhile I will continue to do what I can on this side (eating right, paying attention to my need for rest, and lots of prayer) and I have faith that He will take care of the rest!