Mono is not done with me yet.

I sit here wondering what exactly it is that I need to learn from such a long illness. I went back to the doctor yesterday, hoping that he would tell me that my lack of stamina and continued tiredness is just a sign that I need to start doing more to try and get back in shape. Unfortunately he said - nope, that's not it - the mono relapse (a.k.a. Ebstein Barr Virus) is not gone yet!

On the positive side it is slowly improving, I am down to needing 9 hours or less of sleep and it was 10-11. I can do more of my regular activities without getting too tired. I still can't do any kind of sustained exercise without getting a headache and being exhausted for the rest of the day, the doc said that would change as my body continues to win out over the virus. He put me back onto a larger dose of the anti-virals for 3 more months (along with an immune boosting supplement).

On top of telling me not to do physical stuff, the worst part of the whole visit was the fact that he advised me not to go on the mission trip to Colombia next month. I really want to go, and I started to feel a part of the team. He says that to go is to risk yet another full-blown relapse. As much as I want to go, I do not want my health to be something that keeps me from serving and giving my best while I am there. So I stepped down from the trip today, feeling sad, but yet also at peace that if God wanted me to go he would have helped me get over this mono faster.

So at the conclusion of all this - I will (learn to) be content, not to work out, but just to lean on Him in my sickness knowing that this is not final and it will pass. In the meantime I am forced to learn how to continue to rest and prioritize better. I know that no matter how much I feel like this is all just a bad thing that Romans 8:28 really is a big part of my life. Even this nasty virus keeping me from the mission trip will lead to good in my life or maybe in someone elses life!

I need to accept that this is a journey I am on for a reason and that I need to take the apostle Paul's advice and learn to be content whatever my circumstances. So I have to live my life in God's will and accept that for now I can't be active. I will look forward to being able to start getting back in shape and having energy once this storm is over and meanwhile work on contentment and joy over what I can do.