Why do things that trigger childhood memories make me cry instead of smile? I can be feeling happy or just be busy and not thinking of anything, then a song comes on or I see a video and I turn into a crying, sad mess. I feel like I am being blind-sided by my emotions and I have no idea how to turn the crying into joy and happiness with my memories.
Maybe it is still left over grief from losing my mom. A lot of the stuff reminds me of her - she was a part of every day of my childhood. All I know is I would really like to know when I am going to cry in advance of when it happens. I hate being worried about listening to the radio or seeing a video that should make me smile but instead makes me cry. Then I have to explain why I am crying if anyone is there and most of the time I just can't. It feels weak and crazy sometimes.
My life has finally settled down, I am slowly feeling better and winning the battle against Lyme disease. I am able to do more and make dinner when I need to, I should be feeling wonderful. Still the shadow of loss hides in the background and I am feeling ambushed. When does this sadness go away?
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