So for the past few months, my arthritis has been getting worse and my energy has been low. My doctor ruled out every autoimmune disease known to man (well pretty much anyhow) so he wants to revisit the Lyme disease. Chances are, apparently, very good that the infection was never gone and is reactivating. he ran another Igexex western blot and I am waiting on the results now. The good news is, he recently went to a Lyme conference and has learned about some new treatment protocols, that may actually work. Research is showing that for long standing infections, the usual doxy/plaquenil doesn't actually work long term. This stupid spirochete is too good at hiding from the antibiotics.
In the meantime I am continuing on with my plans and life. I manage to keep active and in Karate class by taking Cataflam for the arthritis pain, and coffee for the lack of energy. So far, so good. I am working on getting more sleep too. I am slowly losing weight, I am down about 30 lbs so far with 20-30 more to go. Low carb is a good thing!
We've found a good church home in Southpoint Huron, whats not to love about a church where the pastor is also a Tang Soo Do 7th Dan Master! We fit right in for the first time in, well, maybe ever. It helps us feel like we have a family again after losing most of ours. We are getting more into the PKSA franchise research, and tonight I am helping out another school owner and teaching her kidspower classes since her usual instructor has to work.
All in all things are good.
Thursday, February 9, 2017
Monday, August 22, 2016
What for the future?
I have heard time and again, that God never gives us more than we can carry. I have to say, I think that is not only untrue, but damaging to people who have more than they can handle happen to them (speaking from personal experience). I say this because I think that life sometimes actually breaks us, and when that happens God is there to pick us back up and glue us back together, but we will be forever broken from what we were.
I was sick for 10 years, pretty much living day to day and absent from many things, its a very long time to be unable to live a real life. I lost my dreams, visions and goals for what the future would be. The days ran together and I was just happy to make it through each one, it broke something in me. Then I lost my mom, my mother in law and my stepdad all in one year, and what the illness left, the grief and heartache from those deaths and everything that happened around those deaths, broke the rest of me. The illness took nearly all of my friendships and many of my family relationships. the deaths took so much more, until I felt like there wasn't much left and I was just going through the motions. I have changed so much over these past 11 years, my faith in God and people was left in shambles. I am slowly finding my way back to health with the help of a wonderful doctor and with that comes the thought 'where do I go from here'? I still have a lot of emotional healing to do, there are days when I know I have some PTSD and I have to consciously tamp down the fear of losing anyone else close to me. Thankfully, I have enough energy and the inner drive to be back in church and back to actively seeking that healing and the close relationship with God and other people that has been missing for a while now.
Now that I am recovering physically, I am able to work full time and slowly build up my fitness level again with training at PKSA Flat Rock. I am starting to think about making some new goals for the future and realizing that I get to keep living and maybe have a better life that what I originally had planned.
What I want for my future at this point, is to buy a PKSA franchise and become a school owner and Tang Soo Do instructor. Karate is still something I love and want to share, it is helping bring me back to life and health physically, and has helped lead me back to God as well. What a powerful thing to be able to share. I have been praying about it, and I know that if that is where God wants me to go, he will make it happen one way or another.
It helps immensely that looking back over the last 10 or so years, I see when I felt abandoned, hopeless, and alone, God was taking care of me and mine. When I was broken, he was whole and there, even when I didn't feel him or even really believe he cared. We always had food, a place to live and family to care for us. When I was at my sickest Brad was there, and now I am better and able to help when he is still struggling with Lyme disease. My kids got into WTMC (Washtenaw Technical Middle College - a Charter High School), which has been a fantastic school for both of them. They are doing well, making me proud to be their mom and humbled at what they are able to accomplish with so little input from me. We finally have our house, everything that we need, and much of what we want.
It's time for me to think about serving now that I am able again. The plans I (we) had for being missionaries all those years ago ended with illness. It feels now, that for many reasons, that was not what God wanted, and I was not ready to do that kind of work for reasons that I am only now starting to see. This time I want to listen more carefully to what He wants, and think less about what I want. My job is good right now and I am happy here, I can wait on Him, even though I am terrible at waiting. I made it through 10 years of chronic late stage Lyme, I can make it through waiting on him.
We are going to Southpoint Church's Huron campus (which I heard about through my PKSA school and I am so thankful for that!) and it feels like home. I leave there each Sunday feeling changed and renewed. I recently listened to C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" too, that book is quite the eye opener. I am so glad to be moving forward in life again and finally looking forward to the future and what it brings. And I know that even if it is not what I hope or want, God will be there for this life and the next.
I was sick for 10 years, pretty much living day to day and absent from many things, its a very long time to be unable to live a real life. I lost my dreams, visions and goals for what the future would be. The days ran together and I was just happy to make it through each one, it broke something in me. Then I lost my mom, my mother in law and my stepdad all in one year, and what the illness left, the grief and heartache from those deaths and everything that happened around those deaths, broke the rest of me. The illness took nearly all of my friendships and many of my family relationships. the deaths took so much more, until I felt like there wasn't much left and I was just going through the motions. I have changed so much over these past 11 years, my faith in God and people was left in shambles. I am slowly finding my way back to health with the help of a wonderful doctor and with that comes the thought 'where do I go from here'? I still have a lot of emotional healing to do, there are days when I know I have some PTSD and I have to consciously tamp down the fear of losing anyone else close to me. Thankfully, I have enough energy and the inner drive to be back in church and back to actively seeking that healing and the close relationship with God and other people that has been missing for a while now.
Now that I am recovering physically, I am able to work full time and slowly build up my fitness level again with training at PKSA Flat Rock. I am starting to think about making some new goals for the future and realizing that I get to keep living and maybe have a better life that what I originally had planned.
What I want for my future at this point, is to buy a PKSA franchise and become a school owner and Tang Soo Do instructor. Karate is still something I love and want to share, it is helping bring me back to life and health physically, and has helped lead me back to God as well. What a powerful thing to be able to share. I have been praying about it, and I know that if that is where God wants me to go, he will make it happen one way or another.
It helps immensely that looking back over the last 10 or so years, I see when I felt abandoned, hopeless, and alone, God was taking care of me and mine. When I was broken, he was whole and there, even when I didn't feel him or even really believe he cared. We always had food, a place to live and family to care for us. When I was at my sickest Brad was there, and now I am better and able to help when he is still struggling with Lyme disease. My kids got into WTMC (Washtenaw Technical Middle College - a Charter High School), which has been a fantastic school for both of them. They are doing well, making me proud to be their mom and humbled at what they are able to accomplish with so little input from me. We finally have our house, everything that we need, and much of what we want.
It's time for me to think about serving now that I am able again. The plans I (we) had for being missionaries all those years ago ended with illness. It feels now, that for many reasons, that was not what God wanted, and I was not ready to do that kind of work for reasons that I am only now starting to see. This time I want to listen more carefully to what He wants, and think less about what I want. My job is good right now and I am happy here, I can wait on Him, even though I am terrible at waiting. I made it through 10 years of chronic late stage Lyme, I can make it through waiting on him.
We are going to Southpoint Church's Huron campus (which I heard about through my PKSA school and I am so thankful for that!) and it feels like home. I leave there each Sunday feeling changed and renewed. I recently listened to C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" too, that book is quite the eye opener. I am so glad to be moving forward in life again and finally looking forward to the future and what it brings. And I know that even if it is not what I hope or want, God will be there for this life and the next.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Time Traveling
I went shopping with Willow today, we went to Sam's club and then Southland mall and into a hugely packed Bath and Body Works, after swapping on and off waiting in line I got my turn to go smell the new scented hand sanitizers that I like to carry with me. Today I found one called Honolulu Sun. One whiff and it transported me back in time. I can't stop smelling it because it reminds me of being a child in summer and going to Sterling State Park with my parents. Every time I smell it I get a flash of sun and sand and my mom putting on the Tropicana suntan oil in that brown bottle.
What I wouldn't give to be that child again, I still miss her so much, I love the flashes of the past that remind me of her. When I close my eyes and inhale that scent I can remember being there, the blankets laid on the sand with the cooler on the edge where the wind was to hold it down. The concession buildings nearby with the cool stone floors covered with water and sand. We would always try and get a nice spot near there because of the bathrooms.
My skin would be hot from the sun and a little tight from all the swimming and lake water. She would be laying in the sun, or walking with us to the concession stand to get us cotton candy and she would smell so good from the suntan lotion and heat and sun. She would lay in the sun and sleep or read, yelling at us when we would come running over and get drips of cold water on her. She always loved the sun and sand. Those are wonderful memories, I am so glad a smell can transport me back there, even on a wet winter day,
What I wouldn't give to be that child again, I still miss her so much, I love the flashes of the past that remind me of her. When I close my eyes and inhale that scent I can remember being there, the blankets laid on the sand with the cooler on the edge where the wind was to hold it down. The concession buildings nearby with the cool stone floors covered with water and sand. We would always try and get a nice spot near there because of the bathrooms.
My skin would be hot from the sun and a little tight from all the swimming and lake water. She would be laying in the sun, or walking with us to the concession stand to get us cotton candy and she would smell so good from the suntan lotion and heat and sun. She would lay in the sun and sleep or read, yelling at us when we would come running over and get drips of cold water on her. She always loved the sun and sand. Those are wonderful memories, I am so glad a smell can transport me back there, even on a wet winter day,
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